she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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