peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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