she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
