Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
