you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
