i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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