i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize