we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Even my vagina gasped.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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