so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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