I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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