Sry I called you an 8
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
