It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I touched a dick in church today
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
