Your mouth is God's brothel.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
