Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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