She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
