I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
false alarm, still single
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
