I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
