The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
