So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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