I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
