I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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