I wanna bring you to show and tell
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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