ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
