Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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