I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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