sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
