You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
