I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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