I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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