just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
