Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
