I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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