debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
