dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
