I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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