its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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