I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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