I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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