Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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