Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am midnight drunk by noon
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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