Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
