Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
