if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
