Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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