That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
