the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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