He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
