we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
