I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
