Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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