I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
