4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
