I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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