just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
