I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
