I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
