shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
