I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
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