i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
