Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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