Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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