...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
