you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
