i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize