After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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