tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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