your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
