I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
