Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
God, I missed his penis.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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