mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
