I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
