Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
