Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
