I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
