OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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