butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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