Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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