I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
