why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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