you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
