JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize