From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
