I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Damn victory sex feels great
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
