Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
