She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize